His Inner Struggle

The love of fame is the last weakness which even the wise resign.
Publius Cornelius Tacitus

Many months back, I wrote about why I left Hollywood and about the downside of fame in a post entitled "I am A Hollywood Refugee" .

Today, I've just read a very deep interview with Dave Chappell, who has gone to South Africa, in need of spiritual renewal, after leaving his uber successful show on Comedy Central.

"Let me tell you the things I can do here which I can't at home: think, eat, sleep, laugh. I'm an introspective dude. I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes. And I've been doing a lot of thinking here." The picture he paints—and it seems a fairly honest and frank assessment— is of someone struggling to come to terms with a new position and power who's still figuring out how to come to grips with how people around him are reacting to the $50 million deal he signed last year with Comedy Central"

Here's an excerpt from my post:

...the glaring intense spotlight that the celebs I know, sometimes choose to bask in, can still be blinding to me. The irony is that while celebs love the attention the spotlight brings them, believing the attention connects them to many people, more often than not it creates a state of isolation, separation, and distrust.

And what loneliness is more lonely than distrust?

When the spotlite gets too big and too bright, when the light that shines on a celeb gets too intense, they need friends around them to keep them grounded, together and to deflect the light away from them


Now here's what Dave goes onto say about why he quit his show:

"If you don't have the right people around you and you're moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself," he says. "Everyone around me says, 'You're a genius!'; 'You're great!'; 'That's your voice!' But I'm not sure that they're right."

You got to be careful of the company you keep," Chappelle says. "It's hard to know how much to say. One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.

"During my ascent, I've seen other people go through that wall to become really big. They always said that fame didn't change them but that it changes the people around them. You always hear that but you never really understand it. But now that I'm there that makes a lot of sense and I'm learning what that means. You have to have people around you that you can trust and aren't just out for a meal ticket."

It seems Dave is coming to realize that Fame is a Pandora's Box! We share that common understanding and experience!

I'm not so sure I agree with Dave when he and his celeb friends say "Fame doesnt change you, it changes the people around you" Fame DOES both. She changes you, by instilling within you doubt and distrust, of those in your inner circle, both your friends and those you work with, and she changes the way in which those in your inner circle now react towards you.

Not only do they become uncomfortable around you, uncertain how to act, what to do, (remember when you all earned the same amout, and you all split the the bill for dinner - NOW watch how those around you sit back..and want you to pay) they also experience envy, or deep jealousy, and for some reason an attitude of entitlement suddenly surfaces in people who you'd least expect that from.

The spotlite is glaring, and blinding and everyone wants to stand in it with you!

Suddenly people feel you OWE them for having been there when you were struggling. But since when does friendship come with strings attached!

When Jim Carrey ( who I had the pleasure of meeting and spending a fair amount of time talking with on the set of The Cable Guy) was asked why he didn't give his brothers and sisters back in Canada ALOT of money, or retire them, or turn them into instant millionaires, he would often reply " Because everyone has to have a purpose in life, a reason to get up in the morning". I'll leave you all to ponder what that means....Jim is deeply spiritual and adheres to the understanding that a Life Unexamined is a life not worth living.

"His religion is also crucial. "I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is a beautiful religion if you learn it the right way. It's a lifelong effort. Your religion is your standard. Coming here I don't have the distractions of fame. It quiets the ego down. I'm interested in the kind of person I've got to become. I want to be well rounded and the industry is a place of extremes. I want to be well balanced. I've got to check my intentions, man."

I know most people find it hard to believe that there are some of us who worked in Hollywood and still do, who walk with God, have a non secular POV, and an inner landscape that reflects a deeper wisdom, because we aren't the norm, but every once in a while, you do get to learn about the inner landscape of a certain celeb , and you find that its not what you ever expected.

Dave Chappelle is struggling with the emptiness, loneliness, doubt and distrust that comes with fame and a huge paycheck! And he is wise enough to walk away until he can be filled spiritually and receive God's guidance quietly.

Fame may be a demanding fickle and unfaithful mistress, but even she has to respect a guy who walks away from her until he can be clear about his intentions and he can trust himself enough to know that he's doing what he's doing for the right reasons.

I cannot express how much I admire Dave, and how much I truly understand this inner struggle he now faces.

May he find the peace he seeks!